We each contribute as individuals to the collective experience and the critical condition of the world we see is really a reflection of our inner state. This has operated as a negative feedback loop of damaged and disconnected governments, societies, families both created by and creating more damaged and disconnected individuals. This cycle has replayed for many thousands of years. That is why personal healing is so fundamental in changing the world. As we transform ourselves, we transform the world. As we heal ourselves, we heal a part of the collective, and one person at a time, we heal the world.
I do not think I have come across one person who does not need healing in some form. Give yourself a moment to consider this, even if you are pretty sure you are fine. Do a pulse check on your health, your relationships, your connection with your family and friends, your work, and your finances. Even if you say, "well.. it's not perfect but a lot of people have it much worse." Don't cheat yourself out of living your life to the fullest potential as a healed and actualized individual.
The great majority of us have never made healing a priority. We focus on simply surviving day to day. Or perhaps recovering from the past few years, the past few months, or just the past week! The issue is that we never get at the root. Like a weed, if we do not get at the root, it will just continue to pop back up as illness, as problems in relationships, problems with money, problems with life! We may have swells where everything comes together, but sooner or later it all falls apart again. That pattern is exactly what I want to help you address.
We have such demanding lives which often require all of our attention to be on everything that continues to keep us sick; bills, work, relationships, and obligation of all kinds. This constant depleting cycle has most of us on overload as it is. When that is the situation, we are no longer in control of our lives, our wounds are driving. So lets ask ourselves, why do we keep perpetuating the same toxic relationship dynamics, the same negative situations, the same obstacles and patterns?
MY HEALING JOURNEY:
I had worked for nearly a decade (years ago) to heal myself. I thought I was doing great! I was healthy, I felt invigorated, enlightened even! I had moved away from home and felt completely connected to myself and the beauty of the earth, I was happy with myself and life in general. When I moved back home I was confronted with the same issues that I had ran away from so many years before. Family issues which I could not resolve despite all the work I had done on myself. Why?
I had made the novice mistake. I had only healed my adult self. I did not heal my child self. Let me explain why that is absolutely critical: the number one reason for the current state of our lives, our current relationships, and any problems we face is our internal thought patterns and emotions. We cannot move forward and expect a different reality, a different life, unless we do the work to heal those thoughts and emotions. What we experience and what we think and feel now are directly connected. These programs we have been running on ourselves for our entire lives were set in place in the beginning, from our childhood.
Think for a little bit right now about how you talk to yourself. Be honest, this is for you alone. Listen to your inner narrative. Are you loving yourself or blaming yourself? Are you feeling like nothing you do will ever be enough? Are your thoughts racing so much you can barely catch exactly what your thinking? Slow down. Breathe. Listen.
When we find as adults that we are self critical it is always rooted in what we experienced as children. I empathize deeply with each of you, as I know that many of us have undergone things as horrific and damaging as physical or sexual abuse, or even as subtly damaging as being ignored, or put in situations in which we had no control. The psyche of a child is complex and fragile--just perceiving ourselves to be unloved is enough to cause trauma.
Some may say, "well I had a great childhood!", and feel sure you're rarely (if ever!) negative. I urge you to pay attention over the next week and really check in with yourself to catch any stealthy programs that may be running in the background. Those can be the most damaging of all.
As you begin to be conscious of your internal thought patterns be compassionate with yourself. Do not judge yourself and do not resist what naturally comes. That is key, to allow yourself to be as you Are so you can understand yourself more deeply and truly heal. Do not allow this exercise to make you feel bad, this is simply to identify when negative thought patterns occur, what situations trigger them, and what exactly the thoughts are. Write them down in a journal. Read it over to study the pattern. This will help you find the root, and that will bring you one step closer to stopping the pattern and healing.
The voices we hear in our head present day telling us we are not good enough, no one will ever love us, we are worthless, etc. these are the same voices of our parents and families. This is not to blame anyone, this is about you. This is about healing yourself. This is all done with the highest intention of breaking these negative cycles so we can have peace, fulfillment, and happiness. So that we don't perpetuate those cycles with our families, children, and partners. Every one of us has deep rooted issues, wounds, and work to do in order to come into our fullest potential. No one is better, no one is worse.
Healing lies within us. If we would only put the focus where it is truly needed--on loving ourselves more than we have ever loved anything in our life.
Once we have identified our negative thought patterns we need to do a few things with them. Recognize we may not be able to completely eradicate them from our lives. Especially if they have been so deeply embedded. What we can do is choose to observe them without attachment. When they occur we simply stop holding onto them, just release them like a balloon into the sky. Then we can replace them with new positive thought patterns. These are essentially positive affirmations such as:
"I love and accept myself"
"I am worthy of love, respect and compassion"
"I am surrounded by love at all times"
"I am perfect as I am"
"All my relationships are loving and harmonious"
"Life is simple and meaningful"
"I am thankful for my healing"
"I am blessed"
"Miracles happen everyday"
"Deep at the center of my being is an infinite well of love"
I believe it is most powerful to write your own personal affirmations. You can also look up many online. The key to affirmations is to say them like you believe them, to say them until you really do believe them! You also have to follow up with action. Your actions should complement your affirmations. You cannot say "I love myself" then go out binge drinking, or allow yourself to participate in a relationship in which someone treats you poorly. You have to act as if you believe you do love yourself and through that, you will love yourself much more deeply. This is the crux of healing.
THE INNER CHILD
To reach our inner child we need to talk to them. We need to realize we never lost them. We Are them. We need to talk to ourselves the way we would talk to our 5 year old self. If our 5 year old self made a mistake you would not talk to them the way you talk to your adult self would you? You would not say "look you did it again! It figures! I can never count on you to do anything right!" Think about how that makes your inner child feel. That inner child is always with you, observing, listening, waiting to be loved for who they really are. Instead you would say, "we all make mistakes, and together we can fix this, we will pay attention to what we can learn from this mistake, and know that you are always loved no matter what. You are perfect as you are. I know you are trying your best. And I will always be here with you and for you."
FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM
We cannot release the past unless we can forgive it. We cannot forgive anyone until we forgive ourselves. So please, take all the time you need, in any way that feels right for you. Set aside some time to look at yourself in the mirror with unconditional love, and forgive yourself. If you feel any resistance that just means the forgiveness is truly needed. You have been waiting for yourself to love and forgive yourself for a very long time. Come home to yourself. Come into your heart with Unconditional Love and acceptance.
Then it is time to work on forgiving those who have hurt you, your parents and caregivers, old partners and lovers. There are many ways to do this. And I do not want to define the best one. For me I simply imagined them there in front of me. I imagined the circumstances they may have endured in their own childhoods, feeling unloved, or neglected, or abused, which caused them to have difficulty in showing me the kind of love they had not received themselves. I said, "I forgive you and I set you free." I said it until I felt it, until I felt a weight lift. For those of us with incredibly deep trauma this is very difficult, I felt for a long time I could never forgive. But the only one that held captive was me. Forgiveness is freedom. It frees both you and the offender, whoever they are.
When we hold onto our past and allow it to create our present we end up sick. Whether it simply expresses as negative thought patterns which create life circumstances and relationships we do not want, or when left long enough it begins to express itself as serious illness, cancer, and physical pain of all kinds. Mind and body are connected directly. So remember as you do this work, this heals more than just mind, this heals body too.
You will need to treat your body better if you are suffering from serious illness. Food is key. Every cell of our body is constantly recreated based on what we put into it. Sugar, alcohol, meat and dairy, over processed foods all contribute to an unhealthy body. Eat fresh raw organic produce. Plants and fruits that drink pure water and light are rich with the nutrients your body needs. Only life gives life. Rest often, meditate in silence or with soft music, take up a practice that is both social and healthy such as yoga.
Beyond our physical and mental bodies we have an emotional and energetic/ spiritual body as well. We cannot neglect the more subtle aspects of our emotional and spiritual state. Journaling, painting, expressing your emotions are very important. Many emotions come up to the surface and that is what is needed to truly heal. Do not repress them, do not attach to them, just allow them. This process is much like the process of a spiritual awakening, it is a constant shedding of all that no longer serves you, all that is not you.
To work on the energetic/ spiritual aspects we might look at our chakra system. This energetic body that can become misaligned or even blocked when under stress, trauma, or before true deep healing has occurred. Blockages in one chakra can clog up the flow of the whole system and manifest in various ways in your life. For instance, a blocked throat chakra may cause you to have trouble speaking up when needed, or speak up a little too much in the form of verbal abuse of others. Addressing these blockages can assist you with aligning within yourself. The idea is to get the whole system working together and flowing in its most natural state which is balance. This will greatly assist your healing process because everything can flow much more freely. I strongly recommend looking into understanding chakras and look at where any strengths and weaknesses may be for you in an energetic sense.
Understand, healing is a process. It will not happen immediately, not in a day, or a week, it may take months or even years. It has to be an intentional and conscious collaboration in your own time. Healing cannot be forced to fit a schedule. You have to understand, it will be difficult. There is no way around it. You will need to look at your past and present and ask yourself some hard questions, and answer with total honesty. You will be uncomfortable, you will feel angry, scared, you may want to hit something, you may want to cry. This is ALL natural and healthy. You will know you are doing honest healing if you are feeling throughout the process. These feelings MUST be expressed in order to be processed and ultimately released. But you will get better everyday, and you will look back a year from now and you will not recognize the person you were to the person you become.
Self help guru Louis Hayes reassures that, the power is Always within the present moment! Good news for us, that means we can do something right now! It is never too late to turn your life around and find healing. Remember, this is something only YOU can do for yourself. Books, teachers, healers, and higher powers may guide and support you, but it is up to us to do the work.
To see more of my work and understand the connection between love, existence and reality more deeply check out my book Universal Hidden Insight on Amazon
To see more about self healing I highly recommend the book You Can Heal Your Life, by Louis Hayes